Pregnancy Panic http://ift.tt/1HPjLmO @lnohara95 #blogging

Sitting on my soft white duvet, whilst wearing my new fox-y slippers as I write in my pregnancy diary, I noticed that my belly had become slightly more swollen. In two days I will be 16 weeks pregnant and I still hadn't even started "showing," though, you could see what looked like a bump but you could pass it off as a bad bloat. However, looking into the mirror, I saw that my belly had finally 'popped' as women put it. 

FINALLY

It has been a long time coming, and at almost 4 months pregnant, I thought I would just be one of those women that you can't tell is pregnant until the last month... or when they have popped out the baby. 

When things like this happen, I just wish that Alexander was here, but he has to work. He missed the baby kicking for the first proper time the other night even though he was lay next to me - sleeping loudly. Alexander doesn't wake up, however, if you do manage to wake him up he will be groggy and not remember anything in the morning, so what's the point? Next time, I hope he is awake when the baby kicks, likewise, it seems I like being a little selfish and feeling all the baby's firsts to myself.

Right now, I do not feel prepared, especially as Christmas is approaching fast; there is still so much to do and buy. In 39 days Christmas will be here and I haven't brought one gift for anyone yet, and thinking about how fast my pregnancy is going, I feel like the baby will be here before I get everything I need and set up! 

People can say: "oh you're only 16 weeks pregnant, you've got plenty of time until the 4th May." What happens if the baby comes early? When do I plan a baby shower for? What should I put on the gift list? Where am I going to be living? Will I still be with my parents when the baby is born? How is Alexander going to live in my parent's with me if there will be 9 people living there? 

PANIC!!

I'm not sure whether I am just going stir crazy because of how close Christmas is and then how fast the pregnancy is going, or whether my hormones are all over the place and I am making something out of nothing. I have heard women say that when they are pregnant that they feel they are not ready to be Mum's yet, and I also feel that way. Yes, I tried for this baby and I am forever grateful, but I do have those times where I want to pause time, take a deep breath, and get organised. What I mean is, I am ready to be a parent but I am not ready to give birth any time soon. Nine months goes faster than I originally thought

Whilst I am cooking up this bun, Alexander works as many hours as he can (not bonfire season crazy) to help save money for our own place and money for baby supplies. I do miss him a lot as he doesn't live with me, but rather stays with his friend most days; we need our own place again quick so that I know I am organised enough to get the baby's room sorted. 

Life isn't as planned as I thought it would be at the age of 20. 

Things can dramatically change in such a short amount of time; you don't expect it, you just get slapped in the face with it. 

Thinking about change, you may have noticed that I went from posting a blog post three times a week, to now, lucky to even post one. Why? Because I am struggling to digest all the happenings in my life right now and putting it all down in words is proving difficult. I have received emails from a few women telling me they are fans of my blog and want to contribute by being a Friday Guest Blogger. Let me just be honest, I am not taking Guest Bloggers for a while, the reason being, my blog isn't up to scratch and I feel that Guest Blogger's work won't be appreciated as much during my drought time.

It isn't fair to accept posts when my views aren't the typical amount. Who will see and appreciate their posts? This may be selfish but I do want to keep to my own posts so I can build my [loyal] audience back up; returning visitors are my priority as I want them to come back wanting more. Eventually, I will be taking on Guest Bloggers but they have to tie in with my life right now - relative work - so my blog flows and there are not random Guest Posts here and there that have nothing to do with my blog theme.

Sorry to disappoint anyone who has asked or want to ask to Guest Blog right now, but if you leave me an email, I will put you on the list (the posts you want to write need to relate) as I am going to start accepting Guest Posts again in, hopefully, the near future.

Much love,

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